No pretenses.....

I feel one of the greatest life lessons I learned over the past few years, was to process. Process how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling, why I might feel that way, the basic cause and effect of human emotions etc...

Lately I've been doing a lot of processing about my move and my life in general and about how I am feeling about it all, and the truth is.....fantastic.

While getting ready to move here I was never super anxious (in a bad way) or worried or nervous - part of me just knew that everything was going to be ok and it is. I've met many wonderful people, I really settling into life here well. It feels different (in a better way) than being in Orlando.

For the longest time at UCF I felt like I was just there, just a presence, hovering stagnantly, living day to day life doing what I did to get by, it was so...routine. Everyone knew me as the girl who spoke at Orientation, or the girl who worked in the LEAD Scholars Office, or the girl who would get me in trouble if she saw me drinking right now, but here....I feel like I can truly be myself and not be worried about any of it. It's not like I'm going streaking through the quad, or getting hammered and making bad decisions. I'm just Kelly.

....ugh I'm having a hard time trying to explain myself right now. I do really well with analogies, so let's try one of those....

Ok so say that you are mutual friends with a couple. Then they break up, then the boy is having a party at his house and you want to go, but you don't want to be unloyal to the girl (who isn't going), and you don't want to be an asshole to the boy, and all you really want to do is go party with your friends, but if you go the girl will be mad at you for going and the boy will just want to talk shit about the girl to you all night long and in the end nobody is happy....................yeah here I don't have any of that....and now that I think about it maybe it's just because I'm new and don't really know anybody hahahahahaha that didn't really work so well

Man....I'm a hot mess - I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for the first time in a really long time, I feel like I can be myself no holds barred and can live my life for me.

I am wearing clothes I used to not, I am flirting with more men than I used to (I used to rarely, if ever - this is a big step for me), I've opened up a lot and have stopped closing myself off (turns out I'm an extremely private person - I didn't even know I was until my bffl Jess opened my eyes to it), I am joking and laughing more, I am just happier.

I liked my life in Orlando, don't get me wrong, and maybe a lot of the things that I found wrong with it were products of my own actions or decisions, but maybe just maybe this move was more than just a new career for me, maybe God had a different plan and he realized it was time for a new start for my heart and life...

Work.....hard work

So, I've been working here at the University for what is now my 3rd week. I like all my co-workers and we have a lot of fun together.....but I have this problem. I can't seem to find the motivation to do ANYTHING work-related lately. I think it's because I've been working in an annual community for the past 2 years and now that I'm here and my RA's don't come back for a month I just want to chill and hang out with my co-workers haha. I will do the work, but part of me just thinks "eh, do it tomorrow". It's horrible! I feel like such a schlub, but at the same time over the past two weeks I've done a lot of learning, about: how my community works, how the department works, who our campus partners are, what I need to do to prepare. I've been getting all my ducks in a row you could say, now it's just a matter of walking those ducks somewhere to do something...anything lol

In other news I've been researching doctoral schools, Towson will pay for tuition at ANY state school in Maryland and all I have to pay for is the fees....the max at any school I would have to pay is $855.00 a semester. Um, if I can get my doctorate for $855.00 a semester you better BET I'll be doing it. Ever since I started researching it, I've found myself more and more excited about it and the possibility of going back to school. In the past couple of months I have had this perpetual feeling that I was missing something, and now I've figured it out...school. Going to classes, absorbing information, utilizing it for research and the betterment of not only myself, but my career as well is something I'll never grow tired of. I've always felt that education was one of those things that you could never have enough of. I'm still researching and hopefully will have more info on that later.

Hope all is well on your side, lovely followers!
I'm out like a trout :-D

This is your captain speaking, I'm sorry for the delay folks....

.....SO I'm super sorry that I've been horrible about updating my blog!
It has been a whirlwind of a month - I'll tell you what....

After my fantastic going away party where my outfit was one of three highlights of the night!
The second was when a girl faceplanted on my feet - hilarious story!!!! I will tell you all about it one day and if we're together I'll reenact it for you)
The third was me slipping in a puddle of spilled drinks and doing a split on the dance floor (owwwwwwies - I didn't stretch properly...I'll be ready next time!!)

After that GLORIOUS night - it was time to pack pack pack pack pack!
My brother, sister, and bffl Jess helped me pack and get organized to move out of the Res Hall and home for a few days.
After that, it was time for a road trip up to Baltimore, Maryland.
I moved in on Monday the 28th-Wednesday the 30th. I spent time with my wonderful family who flew up to help and get me settled into my new life.

My apartment is almost finished (waiting on that elusive first paycheck) I just need a desk for the guest bedroom for the computer and potentially a new love seat and bookshelf for the living room). But they got me set up - hung pictures on the wall and made their mark on my new apartment - i can never thank them enough for being here with me....it would def not have been the same or done as quickly without them

Forth of July was spent with new colleagues and friends cooking out on a beautiful Maryland day.

I'm adjusting to living on my own...not knowing anyone well enough to call them up and say "hey whatcha doing? wanna hang out?" so it's been a lot of movie watching and book reading at the apartment. It's weird to not have so many people in my life, like I used to at UCF, or like my family in Okeechobee. As much as I talk about technology and how it's going to take over the world *something I might do my doctoral research on* I have to take a step back and graciously thank the creators of Skype and Google Video chat - without which I would not be able to SEE and TALK to my family and friends as often as I do...def makes the missage diminish.

I found an amazing church that I've been going to for 2 weeks.
It's called Immaculate Conception Catholic Church, isn't it absolutely gorgeous? And better than that....it feels right, it's the perfect fit for me. I feel like it's part of what I always felt was missing in Orlando...I searched for the right church and never could find it. Something was always off with those, but this one....perfect

As far as me goes: I'm good, no GREAT! I'm working hard - loving my new job, and it seems as though they like me too (hehe)! I love Maryland, I do not love the lack of cell phone service I have or the fact that I'll prob have to get a new phone, and number. I of course miss my family, and Mary and Meg....but idk I feel like I've gotten used to not seeing them all the time, I feel like I miss them the way I did at UCF (wishing they were there, with me, experiencing things, partying, etc...) so it's the same, but different too bc I'm 1000 miles away.

I miss Jess...a lot - it's weird to have someone who's a constant in your life just be gone one day. She's my best friend and her presence is something I definitely took for granted bc I hate the fact that at the end of the day I'm not with her processing about work, or joking about any/everything, or singing silly songs about shelves and such (say that 5 times fast lol). I look at this picture of us holding hands....

and I instantly cry, but it makes me smile because I also 1.) think of my party and how much fun we had! and 2.) how pretty and artistic I think the picture is. With all of that combined: us partying, having fun, and how pretty and artistic we both are in our own ways and together - clearly defines our relationship and how awesome and crazy and beautiful it is.

My mom bought me tickets to come home this weekend - it is indeed very soon after I moved up here, but there is a family party/reunion of sorts at the Lake House and she and I felt like I should be there. So I not only do I get to see my whole family, but I get to see my beautiful 6 1/2 month pregnant sister Danielle and rub her belly and talk to my niece Cara Grace and I am SOOOOOOOOOO excited about that!!!! BUT I also get to see Jessi-poo on Sunday while waiting at the airport for my flight.

All in all it's been a good month, it's going to be a great weekend, and it's going to be an even better year working here at this beautiful University.

I think that's all the writing I have in me for today. But I will write soon...PROMISE and I'll post pictures of my HUGE apartment and my office and everything.

MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVE!!!